CS1i Emails
So here's all the emails I received for HW1 -- once the page is
loaded use the "find" command in your browser to find particular people.
I have no editted the content aside from removing extension requests
and other things which were not really HW1.
The diversity of our community is quite apparent in the range of things
which people submitted as jokes. Is it good or bad that people feel
more comfortable "being themselves" through through email? I think
it's mostly good. It is at least interesting.
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 17:44:20 -0800
From: Graham Gaiger
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
--------------4D2A609D5547006DAB32CCE4
Hi,
I'm Graham Gaiger and I'm a junior majoring in Biology.
I was born in New Zealand but started college here in the
States. I spent two years in Florida before transferring to
Stanford last year.
My Homepage address is http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~ggaiger/
This is my first attempt and I know it's not all that good. I
hope after this course I'll be able to improve it.
I found this joke on the net originally. I kind of like it.
This unemployed guy goes looking for work door-to-door. He's
having no luck all day. He approaches one house where the owner
tells him he'll gladly pay him $50 to paint his porch. The
unemployed guy agrees and is handed over a brush and can of paint
and told to start. A few hours later the unemployed guy finds the
homeowner in the garage. The homeowner asks him if
he's done to which the painter responds "Yeah I finished but you
should know that's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
by gsb-mailhub.Stanford.EDU (8.8.7/8.8.7/L) with ESMTP id SAA27117
id ; Thu, 22 Jan 1998 18:47:22 -0800
From: "Lewis, Peter Clarke"
To: "'nick@cs.stanford.edu'"
Subject: CS1i email
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 18:47:20 -0800
X-Priority: 3
charset="iso-8859-1"
I'm a first year student at the Graduate School of
Business and I'm originally from Chicago.
Enjoy...
>> At The Superbowl...
>>
>> Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his
>> company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the
stadium he
>> realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of
the
>> stadium-he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the
field.
>> about halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed
an empty
>> seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line.
>>
>> He decided to take a chance and makes his way through
the
>> stadium and around the security guards to the empty
seat.
>>
>> As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next
to
>> him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
>>
>> The man said, "No."
>>
>> Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game,
Bob
>> said to the man next to him, "This is incredible!
>> Who in their right mind would have a seat like this
at the
>> Superbowl and not use it?!"
>>
>> The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to
me. I
>>was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed
away.
>> This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to
together since
>> we got married in 1967."
>>
>> "That's really sad," says Bob, "But still, couldn't
you find
>> someone to take the seat? A relative or a close
friend?"
>>
>> "No," the man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
Thu, 22 Jan 1998 19:11:01 -0800 (PST)
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 19:11:01 -0800 (PST)
From: Joni Wang
To: Nick Parlante
Subject: cs1i email
I'm a junior majoring in economics.
This is a joke I received from a friend:
Five-years for "EuroEnglish"
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted
a five-year plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the"f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go
away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evri vun vil find it ezi to understand each
ozer. ZE DRIM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 19:11:44 -0800
To: Nick Parlante
From: "Eyzzz Bacarde'Evolfo"
Subject: CS1i Email
Hi Nick,
I am a third year doctoral student in the joint Educational Psychology and
Counseling Psychology doctoral program with an emphasis in Organizational
Behavior and Development.
Eyzzz
The following fwd is obviously "A Joke"... in a manner of speaking... : )
>Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 10:50:47 -0800 (PST)
>From: Heather Jean brookes
>To: ije.ikoku@alumni.stanford.org
>cc: sasa
>Subject: Re: Fwd: Check this out!
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>Sender: owner-sasa@lists.Stanford.EDU
>Precedence: bulk
>
>As a South African, I agree this is ridiculous. In fact if you look at the
>statistics, 98% of white graduates in SA are still finding jobs when they
>graduate, while the figure for black graduates is, if I remember
>correctly, less than 75%. Whites are still being preferred in many sectors
>especially if they are well qualified and particularly in computers. In
>addition, affirmative action is also aimed at women in general in SA. She
>is still more likely to have been disadvantaged by the old system which I
>think is still pervasive where white males were and are still given
>preference particularly for top jobs as is the case in many countries such
>as the US for example.
>
>Heather
>
>
>On Tue, 20 Jan 1998, Ije Ikoku wrote:
>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> >
>> > Guys,
>> >
>> > Interesting article I received today that I wanted to
>> > forward to the group. Basically, a white woman from South
>> > Africa is seeking political asylum in the U.S. to escape
>> > affirmative action in South Africa. Article begins after
>> > Na-Koshie's commentary.
>> >
>> > Ugwunna
>> >
>> > ---------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Date: Tue, 20 Jan 1998 12:24:11 -0500 (EST)
>> > From: Na-Koshie Lamptey
>> > To: African Students Association E-list
>> >
>> > Subject: Re: SA Woman Seeks Asylum in US
>> >
>> >
>> > This is outrageous. This woman is entirely missing the
>> > point. I don't think she has a basis for asylum because
>> > there is no evidence that she is being persecuted
>> > politically. She currently lives in a democratic
>> > country so an authentic claim should have been submitted
>> > under the apartheid regime which explicitly practiced and
>> > sanctioned political and racial discrimination. It was
>> > this system which prevented the majority from acquiring
>> > the tools they needed to fulfill their natural potential
>> > and compete on an equal basis for jobs they would
>> > otherwise have
>> > been qualified for. Affirmative action at this point is
>> > only supposed to remove the formal and informal barriers
>> > that prevented the majority from accessing education and
>> > employment networks. I imagine that instead of
>> > automatically giving a job to a white who may or not be
>> > qualified to perform their employment responsibilities,
>> > affirmative action will seek out qualified majority
>> > candidates or
>> > majority candidates who exhibit potential but who were
>> > denied proper education and other means of social capital.
>> > A democratic government clearly can not exclude an entire
>> > section of the population (such as whites) from
>> > the public enterprise, otherwise it would merely be
>> > inverting the twisted schemes of apartheid. However, a
>> > democratic government can justifiably try to correct some
>> > of the gross inequities that persist from over forty years
>> > of legalized racial discrimination. This woman should note
>> > that as a woman she falls under one of the groups of which
>> > the South African government is trying to promote in
>> > employment and public life. This whole case sounds
>> > spurious and designed to opportunistically tap into American
>> > insecurities about race and affirmative action.
>> > Otherwise, as I said before, where was her claim during
>> > the patriarchal apartheid regime.
>> >
>> > Anyway after that long winded statement happy
>> > intercession! I shall be in sunny Ghana as of tomorrow
>> > night.....:)
>> > Naa-Koshie
>> >
>> > On Mon, 19 Jan 1998, Francis T. Mukurazita wrote:
>> >
>> > ASYLUM
>> >
>> > CAPETONIAN SEEKS POLITICAL ASYLUM IN UNITED STATES
>> > JOHANNESBURG Jan 18 Sapa
>> >
>> > A white Cape Town woman is seeking political asylum in the
>> > United States to escape affirmative action in South
>> > Africa, according to a Sunday newspaper.
>> >
>> > Lyn Rutherford, 32, told a judicial hearing in Washington
>> > that she would be disadvantaged by affirmative action if
>> > she returned home, the Sunday Independent reported.
>> >
>> > If the application is successful, it could set a precedent
>> > and open the floodgates for South Africans who wish to
>> > emigrate to the US, the newspaper said.
>> >
>> > Rutherford, who has been working for a computer firm in
>> > Los Angeles for the past three years, apparently has the
>> > sympathetic ear of the judge.
>> >
>> > He has granted her two hearings so far and has asked her
>> > to produce more evidence at her third hearing on Thursday on
>> > how she would be disadvantaged as a white person in her
>> > own country.
>> >
>> > Rutherford's sister, Janet - who lives in Cape Town - has
>> > been helping her gather evidence on government insistence
>> > that whites must accept that other races be favoured by
>> > affirmative action.
>> >
>> > This includes Deputy President Thabo Mbeki's recent
>> > warning to whites that they must accept change or be
>> > forced to accept it, the newspaper said.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > _________________________________________________________
>> > DO YOU YAHOO!?
>> > Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com
>> >
>> >
>>
>> _________________________________________________________
>> DO YOU YAHOO!?
>> Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com
>>
>>
>
__________________________________________________________
NEW Area Code: 650 (available 24hrs./day)... New Numbers as of 1-1-98
Work 725-6146, Home 497-0006, Facsimile 725-6140
__________________________________________________________
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 21:22:37 -0700
From: s lee
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: cs1i email
Homework #1-Susan Lee
I am a graduate student in education.
Fri, 23 Jan 1998 01:09:27 -0800 (PST)
Date: Fri, 23 Jan 1998 01:09:25 -0800 (PST)
From: "Carol Diane St. Louis"
To: nick@leland.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CSli email
As an undergrad, I double-majored in Political Science and Economics, but
currently I'm a 3rd year PhD student in the Political Science Department.
Since I fled Economics and stuck with Poli Sci, it seems appropriate that
my joke be a quip about economists:
"If you took all economists and laid them end to end,
they still wouldn't reach a conclusion."
attributed to George Bernard Shaw
No URL. Didn't have anything to post on a homepage that would be worth
the waste of computer space.
Date: Fri, 23 Jan 1998 13:50:45 -0800 (PST)
From: Rodney Swee Huat Teo
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Nick,
I'm a graduate student at Aero/Astro Dept doing Masters. I am Chinese and
Here's the story. Its about the visit of an American President to China. I
think it was President Nixon who called upon Chairman Mao, in his bid to
restore US-China relations since WWII. Nixon was told that if he could try
to speak some Chinese, it would certainly help in breaking the ice. So his
interpreter taught him to say "how do you do" in Chinese. It goes "ni hao
ma"
Nixon faithfully recited the phrase several times to commit it to memory.
The big day came and the two leaders met. Nixon upon seeing Chairman Mao
was slightly awed at his presence (because he had read about him and
his influence on Chinese history since the pre-war days) and suffered a
momentarily lapse in his memory. When he recovered, he blurted, "ni ma hao"
His interpreter gave him nudge to signal that he got it wrong. Nixon
then changed his greeting to, "ma ni hao". His interpreter almost pushed
Nixon over.
Well, you see,
"ni hao ma" means "how do you do ?"
"ni ma hao" means "your mother is fine"
"ma ni hao" means "how do you do, mum"
Rodney Teo
Date: Fri, 23 Jan 1998 15:23:07 +0000
From: Jeff Roberts
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
My name is Jeff Roberts, and I am a freshman from
Pocatello, Idaho.
Here's my joke:
How many Stanford students does it take to change a
light bulb?
One, dude.
URL will be http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~jrober/
Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998 13:22:57 -0600
From: Sameena Beguwala
Organization: Stanford University
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i homework
Dear Prof. Parlante,
Would it be okay if for our homework I just included my favorite,
inspirational quote rather than a joke or story?
Please let me know about this.
Thank you,
Sameena Beguwala
Date: Sun, 25 Jan 1998 13:52:02 -0800 (PST)
From: Daniel Turchin
To: Nick Parlante
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Nick,
I'm a junior majoring in Industrial Engineering and Sociology with
a particular interest in attitudes toward technology. I spent last
quarter in Oxford researching Luddism, the movement most associated with
attitudes toward technology during the Industrial Revolution. I am very
interested in both the technical (nuts and bolts) aspects of the internet
and its social impact.
* My pitiable attempt at humor...
There were three men and two walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
* My web page address:
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~dturchin/
---Dan
________________________
Daniel Turchin
E-mail: dturchin@leland
________________________
"A dream is a wish your
heart makes."
-Walt Disney, 1955
________________________
Date: Sun, 25 Jan 1998 20:51:54 -0800 (PST)
From: Anya Marie Poppink Emerson
To: Nick Parlante
Subject: CS1i email
I'm a junior transfer majoring in history from Oakland, CA.
I ate an entire bottle of Valium as a one year-old and had to have
lots of syrup of ipotec (however that's spelled!)
- Anya Emerson
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~anya/
for nick@cs.stanford.edu; Mon, 26 Jan 1998 13:21:52 -0800 (PST)
From: Keesoo Kim
Subject: CS1i email
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 1998 13:21:52 -0800 (PST)
Hello! Im a graduate student in Civil and Environment Engineering from Korea.
--Quoted Joke
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The
bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
--Future my web page
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~kskim/
Regards, Keesoo Kim
Mon, 26 Jan 1998 13:53:38 -0800 (PST)
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 1998 13:53:38 -0800 (PST)
From: Ellen Keri Donahoe
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1iemail
Hi, my name is Ellen Donahoe and I contracted salmonella poisoning from
the dorm food at Roble.
Q: Why are men like chocolate bars?
A: Because they are sweet, smooth, and they usually head straight for
your hips!
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 1998 21:13:43 -0800
From: Mari Kosuge
Organization: Stanford University
To: nick@leland.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
I am a graduate student in East Asian Studies, studying Japanese Art
History.
I am taking this class because I am computer-illiterate.
for nick.parlante@cs; Tue, 27 Jan 1998 12:01:39 -0800 (PST)
From: Bradley Andrews
Subject: CS1i email
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 12:01:38 -0800 (PST)
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
My friend tells this story:
In 1995 when Windows95 first came out and it was being hyped as the great
new thing, somebody came to my friend (who was a consultant) and asked him
if the new Windows95 program would make her Macintosh easier to use.
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~bordz
------------------------------------------------------
Brad Andrews, bordz@rescomp.stanford.edu, 497-0845
RCC (Sterling Quad) Coordinator (CS 196)
------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 12:09:17 -0500
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
From: Kyunghun Kim
Subject: CS1i email
I am a first year engineering graduate student. My concentration is
Economic Systems and Operations Research.
Joke...
A reason for drinking...
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the
slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it
is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a
whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole keeps improving by the regular cutting of
the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate
only as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills
off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker cells, constantly making the
brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 12:44:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Aron Gilbert Weisner
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
I'm a senior in Political Science with a focus in urban policy and I'm
trying to find a job for next year.
Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and the CAL football team?
A: CAL made it out of the tunnel before it got slaughtered.
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~aron/
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 15:01:23 -0800 (PST)
From: Erick Setiawan
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi, I'm a senior in CS and Psych from Jakarta, Indonesia.
Joke (sorta lame if you're a non-psych person):
RING . . .
RING . . .
CLICK
"Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are
codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press. No one will answer.
(One more I want to add: If you are delusional and occassionally
hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the
side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.)
From: Jessica Raymond
Subject: CS1i email
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 17:24:16 -0800 (PST)
Hello!
My name is Jessica Raymond, and I'm a sophomore who still has not
decided on a major. Maybe IE. I'm from Carlisle, a small town in
Massachusetts which no one has ever heard of. Most people, however, know
something about our next door neighbor, Concord. Actually, Carlisle is so
small we don't even have a high school (so we all go to Concord). I guess
it's a very historical place, but still it never ceases to amaze me that
tourists come from all over the world to visit. If I were going to travel
all the way from, say, Japan, I certainly would't choose such a boring
destination as Concord! What can I say? People are strange.
So now for a funny story. Well, I don't really have a story per
se (at least not one that I can freely tell :) but I can say that many
experiences in my life (all of which have their own particular story) have
led me to some general conclusions about the world and my particular role
within it. For instance, I have learned that it is my lot in life to have
odd experiences on public transportation. No matter where I am going, I
can be assured from the consistency of my experience, that something
bizarre will occur. The oddities vary from place to place, however, for
they reflect on the climate and atmosphere of the part of the country in
which they take place. For instance, in Boston, where people tend to be a
bit more introverted, my experiences have always been non-verbal. On one
occastion, a gaunt looking man (possibly an art student) who was sitting
across from me spent the entire time I was on the subway staring at my
feet and scribbling something on a pad. I saw nothing extrordinary about
my feet, so I thought it was a little strange. I also got the sense that
he was drawing me (at least my feet). On that same day, there was another
possibly starving artist who spent the train ride staring directly at me,
and writing in a notebook. It looked like poetry. Oh well, I guess I'll
never know. In any case, that is the special brand of strangeness that
seems to exist beneath the streets of Cambridge and Boston. (But
considering the proximity of Harvard, one can only expect that things will
be a little strange.)
In California, the oddness of my public transportation experience
has been much more obvious. Last year I made the mistake of trying to
take a bus from Palo Alto to San Francisco. Fortunately I was with a
friend, so things seemed a bit safer. We knew that strangeness was in the
air when we realized that the only other passenger on the bus was not
wearing any pants. Or shorts or a skirt or even a sarong--she was simply
not wearing anything on the lower half of her body. She was wearing a
fairly long T-shirt, however, which she had fashioned into a kind of
extremely short dress by tying a bit of twine around her waist. The other
odd part was that she was wearing plastic baggies on her hands. Perhaps
she feared picking up germs on the bus. Later my friend and I had to
switch buses, and the only available seats were right across from a person
of questionable gender who looked rather like a troll. This person was
with a man who looked angry. Not long after we got on the bus, the person
began to speak, and thus we learned that it was a woman. She was clearly
very pissed off, and was complaining about something to her companion. It
was clear from listening to her tirade (which was interspersed with short
stories and explanations for the benefit of the other passengers) that she
had been taking a lot of cocaine. This fact was quite apparant without
the explanation, in fact. At one point she got extremely belligerent, and
my friend and I began to fear for our safety. Her companion had to
wrestle her off the bus, while she rained insults on him. Eventually the
two of them were gone, leaving me wondering what was next.
The list of surreal happenings goes on and on. These days I
simply try to avoid riding public transportation at all, but I have to, I
simply go expecting something strange to happen. I've also decided that
even though the odd situations in which I always seem to find myself when
I take public transportation are not always so benign as those I've listed
here, my tendency to encounter this oddness is, in a way, a gift. The
world is a strange and wonderful place, and the fact that oddballs exist
makes life so much more lively and amusing. My bizarre luck has simply
meant that I've had the chance to see a bit more of it than I would have,
and get a sense of the amazing variety that exists between people who all
share public transportation.
Okay, that was a bit longer that I thought... I imagine I'll have my web
site at http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~jraymond/ But I don't have a
website yet...
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 18:49:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Erika Ornelas
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hello, I'm a junior double majoring in Sociology and Economics from
Oakland, CA.
Joke:
Why is six afraid of seven?
.....
Because seven, eight, nine.
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 18:52:40 -0800 (PST)
From: Ines Curiel Barbosa
To: Nick Parlante
Subject: CS1i email
Hi, I'm a senior majoring in international relations. I come from a small
town called Sonora in the Sierra Nevadas north of Yosemite. Since I'm
terrible at telling joke's I'll tell a funny story.
Six years ago my family took a road trip to Mexico. My parents were both
born there and still have family down there. On our second day of travels
we were about to enter the Sonora Desert in Mexico and my dad asked if
anyone neede to stop to use the restroom of get something to eat. We all
said no. Half an hour later my brother decides that he really needs to go
and absolutely can't hold it in. So my dad pulls over on the side of the
road and my brother gets off. It was in broad day light ( around noon)
and my brother (9 yrs old) was afraid we'de see him. The desert was
pretty flat except for the low lying cactus. So as we was getting ready to
do his thing, he was looking at us in the car to make sure we weren't
looking, when he sits on a cactus and screams that something's bit him.
My parents run out of the car thinking that it's a snake or scorpion and
find him bent over with a piece of cactus stuck to his butt and his hand
stuck to the cactus. Luckily the needles were large and easy to take out,
and he was ok. that's all folks
my web page address is http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~nezzy/
It's still under construction like much of the university is.
-Ines Barbosa
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 20:06:07 -0800 (PST)
From: Michael Richard Headley
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hello
I am a Senior and I like traveling and James Brown's "Live at
the Olympia, Paris, 1971" album.
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other
side of the street. First they see two people going into the house.
Time passes. After a while they notice three
persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't
accurate".The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced". The
Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will
be empty again."
Mind your step
Michael
by gsb-mailhub.Stanford.EDU (8.8.7/8.8.7/L) with ESMTP id WAA24375
id ; Wed, 28 Jan 1998 22:11:50 -0800
From: "Florida, Karl "
To: nick@leland.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email - follow-on
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 22:11:47 -0800
X-Priority: 3
Hi Nick,
This is my second email on the topic. First, I did actually get the
handout off the web. Second, I forgot to tell you that my web page (a
rather weak one) is at http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~kflorida
Cheers,
K
by gsb-mailhub.Stanford.EDU (8.8.7/8.8.7/L) with ESMTP id WAA24202
id ; Wed, 28 Jan 1998 22:02:41 -0800
From: "Florida, Karl "
To: nick@leland.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS001i assignment - sorry for inappropriate title!
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 22:02:40 -0800
X-Priority: 3
Hi Nick,
I'm in your class. I'm a 2nd year student at the business school
planning to work in the software business and thought it appropriate to
make sure I have a firm grasp of the Internet, at least at a high level.
I'm enjoying your class, and appreciate your relaxed style. I already
am familiar with most of what we've covered so far due to several
projects with high tech companies and a summer job in product marketing
at Netscape. However, I don't have a technical background, so I think
I'll learn a lot more as we progress. I'm taking the class exclusively
by video, so I didn't get the handout to know how to address this email
- sorry! I hope to meet you eventually.
Cheers,
K
P.S. As for the joke, it's a few oldies tied together, but goodies:
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the Chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road,and there
was much
rejoicing.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did *not* cross the road
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever
think to ask, "What the heck was this *chicken* doing walking around all
over
the place anyway?"
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will
not
only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents
AND
balance your checkbook. Unfortunately, when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
1.4999999999.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
But is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we
overlooked in our
haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in
such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep in him
down.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares
why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road -- it
transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Colonel Harlan Sanders: I missed one?
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 23:59:19 -0800 (PST)
From: Vivek Chakraverty
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hey
My name is Vic Chakraverty
I am from St. Louis and am interested in computers and business.
My joke is : Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 03:20:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Gerardo Chavez
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
I'm a senior from Southern California majoring in Electrical
Engineering.
Joke:
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1996,
Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world,
and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while
doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both
looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man
looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What
kind of car ya' got there, sonny?".
The young man replies, "A 1996 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it
cost so much? "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!"
states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure", replies
the owner.
So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car,
all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old
man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the
speedometer reads 320 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be
getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly,
whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeep?" the
young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It
goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost
looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the
guy. "How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh
Ka-BbblaMMM!
It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The
young man jumps out and finds it to be the old man!!! Of course
the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to
the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I
can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from
your side-view mirror!"
Thu, 29 Jan 1998 09:45:40 -0800 (PST)
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 09:45:40 -0800 (PST)
From: Lesley Christine McArron
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
I'm a senior in English and I'm taking this class to fulfill my foreign
language requirement. I used to to think that I had lost files because
they were in another file. It's a slow process. I'm (fearfully) gathering
that we are creating our own web page. I believe my URL would be:
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~mcarron/
Lesley McArron
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 12:01:17 -0800 (PST)
From: Vanessa Delgado
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i Emai
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 10:56:31 -0800 (PST)
Hi,
I'm a Junior in Political Science and Chicano Studies from Pico
Rivera, CA (near Los Angeles). Here's my joke:
"Why didn't the skeleton have a date for the dance?
Because he had no body to go with!"
See you in class,
Vanessa Delgado
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 14:24:44 -0800 (PST)
From: Deborah Roth
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hello,
my name is Deborah Roth, I am a junior in History, not form
Orinda, CA, but from Wiesbaden, Germany.
Here is a joke about the Ostfriesen (a kind of backward population inthe
northwest of Germany):
Why do the Ostfriesen go to bed with a stone and a match?
With the stone they smash out the light and with the match they look
whether the light is really out!
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
Thu, 29 Jan 1998 16:56:24 -0800 (PST)
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 16:56:24 -0800 (PST)
From: Cecile M Coulon
To: Nick Parlante
Subject: cs1i email
I'm a senior coterming in Earth Systems (which basically means I
do a lot of ecology) and I come from France. Even though this makes me
not nearly as cool as some of your other students, I simply had to forward
this little blurb. Besides, even though you probably have already read
it, I doubt your other students have. And it's funny, darnit.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
x x
x Cecile M Coulon \\ // x
x PO Box 17212 \\ // x
x Stanford CA 94309 - USA "I WANT TO BELIEVE." x
x cmcoulon@leland.stanford.edu // \\ x
x 650 497 4986 // \\ x
x x
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Q. What, exactly, is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government,
business, and private computer systems.
Q. Who runs it?
A. A 13-year-old named Jason.
Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the popular
commercial"on-line" services, such as Prodigy, CompuServe, or America
Online, which will give you their program disks for free. Or, if you
just leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak in some night and install
their programs on your computer when you're sleeping. They really want
your business.
Q. What are the benefits of these services? A. The major benefit is that
they all have simple, "user-friendly" interfaces that enable you-even
if you have no previous computer experience-to provide the on-line
services with the information they need to automatically put monthly
charges on your credit card bill forever.
Q. What if I die?
A. They don't care.
Q. Can't I cancel my account?
A. Of course! You can cancel your account at anytime.
Q. How?
A. Nobody has ever been able to find out. Some of us have been trying for
years to cancel our on-line service accounts, but no matter what we do,
the charges keep appearing on our bills. We're thinking of entering the
Federal Witness Protection Program.
Q. What if I have children?
A. You'll want an aneasthetic, because it really hurts.
Q. No, I mean: What if my children also use my Internet account?
A. You should just sign your house and major internal organs over to the
on-line service right now.
Q. Aside from running up charges, what else can I do once I'm connected to
anon-line service?
A. Millions of things! An incredible array of things! No end of things!
Q. Like what?
A. You can ... ummmm ... OK! I have one! You can chat.
Q. Chat?
A. Chat.
Q. I can already chat. I chat with my friends.
A. Yes, but on the Internet, which connects millions of people all over
the entire globe, you can chat with total strangers, many of whom are
boring and stupid!
Q. Sounds great! How does it work?
A. Well, first you decide which type of area you wish to chat in. Some
areas are just for general chatting, and some are for specific interest
groups, such as Teens, Poets, Cat Lovers, Religious People, Gays, Gay
Teens Who Read Religious Poetry to Cats, and of course Guys Having
Pointless Arguments About Sports. At any given moment, an area can
contain anywhere from two to dozens of people, who use clever fake
names such as "ByteMe2" so nobody will know their real identities.
Q. What are their real identities?
A. They represent an incredible range of people, people of all ages, in
all kinds of fascinating fields from scientists to singers, from writers
to wranglers, from actors to athletes - you could be talking to almost
anybody on the Internet!
Q. Really?
A. No. You re almost always talking to losers and hormone-crazed
13-year-old boys. But they pretend to be writers, wranglers, scientists,
singers, etc.
Q. What do people talk about in chat areas? A. Most chat-area discussions
revolve around the fascinating topic of who is entering and leaving the
chat area. A secondary, but equally fascinating, topic is where everybody
lives. Also, for a change of pace, every now and then the discussion is
interrupted by a hormone-crazed 13-year-old boy wishing to talk dirty to
women. To give you an idea of how scintillating the repartee can be,
here's a re-creation of a typical chat area dialogue (do not read this
scintillating repartee while operating heavy machinery):
LilBrisket: Hi everybody
Wazootyman: Hi LilBrisket
Toadster: Hi Bris
Lungftook: Hi B
LilBrisket: What's going on?
Toadster: Not much
Lungftook: Pretty quiet
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
LilBrisket: No
Toadster: Nope
Lungftook: Sorry
(LONGISH PAUSE)
UvulaBob: Hi everybody
Toadster: Hi UvulaBob
Lungftook: Hi Uvula
LilBrisket: Hi UB
Wazootyman: Hi U
UvulaBob: What's happening?
LilBrisket: Kinda slow
Toadster: Same old same old
Lungflook: Pretty quiet
Jason56243837: LilBrisket, take off your panties
LilBrisket: OK, but I'm a man
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: UvulaBob, are you from Texas?
UvulaBob: No.
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Lungftook: Well, gotta run.
Toadster.- 'bye, Lungflook
LilBrisket: Take 'er easy, Lungster
Wazootyman: See ya around, Lung
UvulaBob: So long, L
(LONGISH PAUSE)
PolypMaster: Hi everybody
LilBrisket: Hey, PolypMaster
Toadster: Yo, Polyp
UvulaBob: Hi, P
PolypMaster: What's going on?
LilBrisket: Not much
Toadster: Pretty quiet
UvulaBob: Kinda slow ...
And so it goes in the chat areas, hour after riveting hour, where the
ideas flow fast and furious, and at any moment you could learn some
fascinating nugget of global-network information, such as whether or
not PolypMaster comes from Texas.
Q. I've heard that people sometimes use Internet chat areas to have
"cybersex." What exactly is that?
A. This is when two people send explicitly steamy messages to each other,
back and forth, back and forth, faster and faster, hotter and hotter,
faster and faster and hotter and harder and harder until OHHHH GODDDDDDDD
they suddenly find that they have a bad case of sticky keyboard, if you
get my drift.
Q. That's disgusting!
A. Yes.
Q. Could you give an example?
A. Certainly:
Born2Bone: I want you NOW
HunniBunni: I want YOU now
Born2Bone: I want to take off your clothes
HunniBunni: Yes! YES!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your clothes
HunniBunni: OH YESSSS
(LONGISH PAUSE)
HunniBunni: Is something wrong?
Born2Bone: I can't unhook your brassiere
HunniBunni: I'll do it
Born2Bone: Thanks. Oh my god! I'm touching your, umm, your...
HunniBunni: Copious bosoms?
Born2Bone: Yes! Your copious bosoms! I'm touching them!
HunniBunni: YES!
Born2Bone: Both of them!
HunniBunni: YESSS!!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your panties!
HunniBunni: You already did.
Born2Bone: Oh, OK. You're naked! I'm touching your entire nakedness!
HunniBunni: YESSSSSS!!!
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
Born2Bone: No
HunniBunni: No
Born2Bone: I am becoming turgid in my manfulness!
HunniBunni: YES! YES YOU ARE!! YOU ARE A BULL! YOU ARE MY GREAT BIG RAGING
BULL STALLION!
Wazootyman: Hey, thanks
HunniBunni: Not you
Born2Bone: I AM A STALLION! I AM A RAGING, BULGING BULL STALLION, AND I AM
THRUSTING MY ... MY ... ummm ...
HunniBunni: Your love knockwurst?
Born2Bone: YES! I AM THRUSTING MY LOVE KNOCKWURST INTO YOUR ... YOUR...
HunniBunni: Promise you won't laugh?
Born2Bone: Yes
HunniBunni: My passion persimmon
Born2Bone: Ha ha!
HunniBunni: You promised!
Born2Bone: Sorry. OK, here goes: I AM THRUSTING MY MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF
LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION PERSIMMON! HunniBunni: YES! YES! YES!
Born2Bone: OHHH! IT FEELS SO GOOD!! I FEEL POWERFUL!!
HunniBunni: YOU ARE POWERFUL, BORN2BONE!! I FEEL YOUR POWER INSIDE ME!!!
Born2Bone: IT FEELS LIKE, LIKE ...
HunniBunni: Like what?
Born2Bone: IT FEELS JUST LIKE, OHMIGOD ... OHMIGOD ...
HunniBunni: TELL ME, BORN2BONE!! TELL WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!!
Born2Bone: OH LORD IT FEELS LIKE... IT FEELS LIKE WHEN I BREAK A TIE VOTE
IN THE SENATE!
HunniBunni: What did you say?
Born2Bone: Whoops
HunniBunni: It feels like when you break a tie vote in the Senate?
Born2Bone: Umm, listen, what I meant was ...
HunniBunni: This is you, isn't it, Al? ISN'T IT?? YOU JERK!!! YOU TOLD ME
YOU WERE ATTENDING A STATE FUNERAL THIS AFTERNOON!!!
Born2Bone: Tipper?
HunniBunni.- Whoops
Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the Internet? A. You can join
one of the thousands of forums wherein people, by posting messages,
discuss political topics of the day.
Q. Like what?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow?
A. There's a forum for everything.
Q. What happens on these forums?
A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example, fans post messages about
how much they love Barry Manilow, and other fans respond by posting
messages about how much they love Barry Manilow, too. And then sometimes
the forum is invaded by people posting messages about how much they hate
Barry Manilow, which in turn leads to angry countermessages and vicious
name-calling that can go on for months.
Q. Just like junior high school!
A. But even more pointless.
Q. Are there forums about sex?
A. Zillions of them.
Q. What do people talk about on those?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. No, really.
A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all titillating. Often you'll
find highly scientific discussions that expand the frontiers of human
understanding.
Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet.
A. It is.
Q. What is the "World Wide Web"?
A. The World Wide Web is the multimedia version of the Internet, where you
can get not only text but also pictures and sounds on a semi-infinite
range of topics. This information is stored on "Web pages," which are
maintained by companies, institutions, and individuals. Using special
software, you can navigate to these pages and read, look at, or listen
to all kinds of cool stuff.
Q. Wow! How can I get on the Web?
A. It's easy! Suppose you're interested in buying a boat from an
Australian company that has a Web page featuring pictures and
specifications of its various models. All you have to do is fire up
your World Wide Web software and type in the company's Web page address,
which will probably be an intuitive, easy-to-remember string of characters
like this:
http//:wwwfweemer-twirple.com/heppledork/sockitomesockitomefee##$.fle/fo/fu
m
Q. What if I type one single character wrong?
A. You will launch U.S. nuclear missiles against Norway.
Q. Ah.
A. But assuming you type in the correct address, you merely press
Enter, and there you are!
Q. Where?
A. Sitting in front of your computer waiting for something to happen.
It could take weeks. Entire new continents can emerge from the ocean
in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to
what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of
light; it operates at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles..
It might be quicker for you to just go over to Australia and look at
the boats in person.
Q. Does that mean that the World Wide Web is useless?
A. Heck no! If you're willing to be patient, you'll find that you can
utilize the vast resources of the Web to waste time in ways that you
never before dreamed possible.
Q. For example?
A. For example, recently I was messing around with a "Web browser," which
is a kind of software that lets you search all of cyberspace - millions
of documents for references to a specific word or group of words. You
can find pretty much everything that anybody has ever written on the
Internet about that topic; it's an incredibly powerful research tool.
Q. That is truly beautiful.
A. Yes. And it's just one teensy little piece, one infinitesimally tiny
fraction of the gigantic, pulsating, mutating, multiplying mass of stuff
out there on the Internet. Sooner or later, everything is going to be on
there somewhere. You should be on there, too. Don't be afraid! Be like
the bold explorer Christopher Columbus, (E-mail address:
ChrisCol@nina,pinta&santamaria.ahoy) setting out into uncharted waters,
fearful of what you might encounter, but also mindful of the old
inspirational maritime saying: "If you don't leave the land, then you'll
probably never have a chance to get scurvy and develop anemia, spongy
gums, and bleeding from the mucous membranes."
So come on! join me and millions of others on this exciting CyberFrontier,
with its limitless possibilities for the enhancement of knowledge and the
betterment of the human race!
Wazootyman is waiting for you.
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 18:24:40 -0800 (PST)
From: Martin Zemitis
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
I am a sophomore from Riga, Latvia, living in Mirrielees.
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks
down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to
use the
vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking
to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and
they end up
in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and
says, "Oh, shit! It's so late, my wife's going to kill me! Have you got
any talcum
powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his
hands. Then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.
"Where the hell have you been?!?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they
were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this
great
looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another
and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? And what is that on your hands?"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and screams, "You @&$*!% liar!
You went bowling again!!!"
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 20:19:09 -0800 (PST)
From: Andrew Bryant Lee
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS 1i emaiil
Hi, my name is Andrew Lee (call me Andy) and I'm a sophomore from
Riverside, CA. My favorite fruits are mangoes and bananas.
Here is my favorite dumb joke:
A man walks into a bar. It hurt.
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 21:06:14 -0800
From: Mari Kosuge
Organization: Stanford University
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
I might have sent email to a wrong address, so I am sending again just
in case.
I am a graduate student at Center for East Asian Studies. I have been
majoring in Art History which stimulates my right side of brain. One
reason to take this class is to pick at my left side of brain about to
melt, but the true reason is to sneak away from a realm of the
computer-illiterate. Thank you.
Thu, 29 Jan 1998 23:22:27 -0800 (PST)
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 23:22:27 -0800 (PST)
From: Christoper Chung-hsing Lee
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
HI Nick,
This is a confirmation that I will be staying in the CS1i class, as well
as my assignment #1. I am a sophomore contemplating Economics as major
and I am from San Jose. My favorite color is blue, and favorite ice cream
mint chocolate.
Well, one little humorous joke I've recently read in Reader's Digest:
In the course of her work one day, my wife made a phone call to a
young man who earned his living playing in a rock band. As shw was
telling me the story, however, she couldn't remember the name of the
group. It galled her for days until one night driving home from the
movies, it suddenly came to her. "I remember!" She blurted out. "The
band's name is Mental Block!"
--Dave Webb
Finally, my URL is http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~cchl
Have a nice weekend, :)
Chris
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 10:26:01 -0800 (PST)
From: Rebecca Ann Bill
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: cs1i
Nick-
I'm a PhD candidate in political science.
Random fact: I collect salt and pepper shakers.
Here's a joke. OK, so it's one that was forwarded to me, but I still
think it's a good one:
Why God never got tenure:
1. Only one major publication...
2. ...in Hebrew
3. No references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. There are some doubts that he wrote it himself.
6. May be true he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
8. Never applied to the ethics board for permission to use
human subjects.
9. When experiment went awry, tried to cover it by drowning subjects.
10. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, deleted them from sample.
11. Rarely came to class and just told students to read the book.
12. Had son teach certain classes.
13. Expelled first two students for learning too much.
14. Only had ten requirements, but most of his students failed them.
15. Office hours infrequent and usually held on mountaintop.
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 13:44:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Christina Lynn Fuhrman
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Nick,
My name is Nina and I'm an undeclared sophomore from St. Louis; I enjoy
listening to folk music, I love to dance, and one of my favorite movies is
Pulp Fiction.
My joke borders philosophical: If a man stands in a forest and a women
isn't around to hear him speak, is he still wrong?
Also, I now know what a URL is thanks to yesterday's lecture, but I don't
know how to choose/establish one.
I hope you have a great weekend! --Nina
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 15:52:42 -0800 (PST)
From: Shauna Siew
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS 1i Homework
Hello Prof. Parlante,
I missed the first few lectures but would like to take the class
nonetheless. I am not sure about the exact homework instructions but am
going to give it a shot anyways. Please feel free to edit/delete any
inappropriate or unnecessary parts. Thanks.
------------------------------------
Here goes,
Hi everyone, my name's Shauna and i'm a senior in majoring in economics,
minoring in IR. Home for me is in Singapore... about 8,000 miles away and
very hot all year round.
Just a mere one year ago, i would never have imagined myself wanting to
learn more about computers and the Internet. However, the popularity and
profusion of both have sparked an interest. Of course having very techie
friends who enjoy "geek" jokes made me want to learn more so that i can
laugh along with them.
Sorry but i just could not find a joke or story that i want to tell.
Prof Parlante, i hope this'll do... if not, please let me know of any
missing bits that i should fill in.
-----------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 17:04:14 -0800 (PST)
From: Anubha Kothari
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi,
I'm a freshman in CS (most probably). I'm from Irvine, CA, though
originally from India.
Here's a joke: A paleontologist was delighted to discover an ancient
squirrel fossil. When he showed it off to his wife, she commented, "Well,
I've seen many a squirrel bring a nut home, but it's the first time I saw
a nut bring a squirrel home."
My web page will have the following URL:
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~anubha/
Anubha Kothari.
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 17:42:41 -0800 (PST)
From: Tami Nguyen
Subject: Intro to Internet
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Cc: tamin@hsmpk12a-s2.Eng.Sun.COM
Content-MD5: DX6mtIoVMSrwzH/LDGP4AA==
Hello Professor Parlante,
My name is Tami Nguyen and I am a student in the SITN class at
Sun Microsystems. I work in the Finance supporting the Java Product
Unit.
Joke....
Q: What do you call a "friend" of a band?
A: the drummer
I do not have my home page, so cannot provide you the URL. I hope
to set this up sometime in the quarter.
Thank you,
Tami Nguyen
tami.nguyen@sun.com
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 19:23:28 -0800 (PST)
From: Ontima Wasusri
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi, I'm a sophomore majoring in Industrial Engineering and I'm from
Bangkok, Thailand.
>The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A.:
>
>On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
> "38 years on the same spot."
>
>In a Florida maternity ward:
> "No children allowed."
>
>In the offices of a loan company:
> "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
>
>On a Maine shop:
> "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
>workmanship."
>
>In a clothing store:
> "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
>
>Outside a country shop:
> "We buy junk and sell antiques."
I don't have a web page yet, but I'm guessing it'll be located at
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~owasusri/
Ontima Wasusri
Fri, 30 Jan 1998 23:12:27 -0800 (PST)
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 23:12:26 -0800 (PST)
From: Antigoni Eleftheriou
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: cs1i email
Dear Professor Parlante,
I am a junior in Chemistry from Cyprus.
Antigoni Eleftheriou
This is a joke dedicated to chemists!!!!
----------------------------------------
Once there was a guy walking on the beach. As he was walking he found a
lamp. He wraped the lamb and out came a gini. The gini told him
that he would complete one wish. The guy wanted to go to Hawai all his
life but he could not stand flight or travelling by ship. So he told the
gini: 'I want you to make a road through the sea so that I can drive to
Hawai. the gini goes "Please don't make me do that! It's too difficult. I
have to move mountains of earth change all the maps in the world change
aviation roots.Please please pick something else. So the guy felt sorry for
the gini and said. "OK I will ask something else. I want to understand the
minds of chemists." and the gini said:"How many lanes do you want 2 or 4? "
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 03:44:19 -0800 (PST)
From: Howard Tony Loo
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i
I'm a senior majoring in computer science and political science.
Two men were in a rowboat in the middle of a lake, looking systematically
for suken treasure that was supposed to be at the bottom of the lake.
The men would dive down and then come back to the boat, row to another
place and dive down again. Finally, the men found the buried treasure.
When they were back on the rowboat, right above the suken treasure, they
had the following conversation:
Man 1: How are we going to mark this spot?
Man 2: I have an idea! Let's put an X on the floor of this boat. You
know...X marks the spot.
Man 1: You idiot! That won't work. What if someone steals the boat?
From: Blake Harris
Subject: CS1i email
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 09:48:37 -0800 (PST)
Hey Nick,
I'm a senior from from St. Paul, Minnesota and majoring
in Urban Design/Architecture.
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotchman?
Mick Jaggers says, "Hey, You, Get off of my cloud"
and a Scotchman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
-Blake
*********
Blake Harris
PO Box 16030
Stanford, Ca 94309
blakerh@stanford.edu
blakeharris@alumni.stanford.org
650-497-3984
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 10:11:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Erica Denham
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CSli email
I'm a junior majoring in Sociology with a concentration in organizational
behavior, from Detroit, Michigan!
Erica Denham
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 11:55:56 -0800
From: Ting-I Cheng
Organization: Department of Biological Sciences, Stanford University
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: Cs1i email
X-Priority: 3 (Normal)
I am from Asia... not Malaysia though.
Here's a joke about three most prominent world leader who has just met
the GOD.
God sends for 3 world leaders and tells them that he is really
pissed-off with all the problems the world gives him and has decided to
destroy the planet in 3 days.
Clinton goes back to Washington and tells his people, "I have a good
news and a bad news. The good news is that there really is a God. The
bad news is that the world will end in 3 days."
Jiang Zemin returns to the PRC and tells his people, "I have a bad
news and a worse news. The bad news is that there is a God. The worse
news is that he is going to stop our plan for world domination in 3
days."
Dr. Mahathir returns to Malaysia with a big smile and says, "I have
a good news and a better news! The good news is that God thinks I am one
of the 3 most important people in the world. The better news is: the
currency crisis will be over in 3 days!!!!!"
Ting-I Cheng
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 13:34:38 -0800 (PST)
From: Katherine Ann Monahan
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Nick.
I'm a senior majoring in Human Biology and minoring in Spanish. I am a
local from Los Altos, CA.
Unoffensive, and one of my favorites:
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> > "John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army
>>>> >>>>> > uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through
>>>> >>>>> > Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he
>>>> >>knew,
>>>> >>>>> > but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.
>>>> >>>>> > His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a
>>>> >>Florida
>>>> >>>>> > library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued,
>>>> >>not
>>>> >>>>> > with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the
>>>> >>margin.
>>>> >>>>> > The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful
>>>> >>mind.
>>>> >>>>> >In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name,
>>>> >>Miss
>>>> >>>>> > Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She
>>>> >>>>> >lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself
>>>> >>and
>>>> >>>>> >inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas
>>>> >>for
>>>> >>>>> >service in World War II. During the next year and one month the
>>>> >>two
>>>> >>>>> >grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed
>>>> >>>>> >falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding.
>>>> >>>>> > Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt
>>>> >>that
>>>> >>>>> > if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.
>>>> >>>>> > When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they
>>>> >>>>> > scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central
>>>> >>Station in
>>>> >>>>> > New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll
>>>> >>be
>>>> >>>>> > wearing on my lapel."
>>>> >>>>> > So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart
>>>> >>>>> > he loved, but whose face he'd never seen.
>>>> >>>>> > I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:
>>>> >>>>> >
>>>> >>>>> > A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her
>>>> >>>>> blonde
>>>> >>>>> > hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue
>>>> >>as
>>>> >>>>> > flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale
>>>> >>>>> green
>>>> >>>>> > suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her,
>>>> >>>>> entirely
>>>> >>>>> > forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved,
>>>> >>a
>>>> >>>>> > small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?"
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>she
>>>> >>>>> > murmured.
>>>> >>>>> >
>>>> >>>>> > Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw
>>>> >>>>> > Hollis Maynell.
>>>> >>>>> >
>>>> >>>>> > She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well
>>>> >>past
>>>> >>>>> 40,
>>>> >>>>> > she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat.. She was more than
>>>> >>plump,
>>>> >>>>> > her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in
>>>> >>the
>>>> >>>>> > green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split
>>>> >>in
>>>> >>>>> > two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my
>>>> >>>>> longing
>>>> >>>>> > for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my
>>>> >>own.
>>>> >>>>> >
>>>> >>>>> > And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and
>>>> >>>sensible,
>>>> >>her
>>>> >>>>> > gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My
>>>> >>>>> fingers
>>>> >>>>> > gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to
>>>> >>>>> identify
>>>> >>>>> > me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something
>>>> >>precious,
>>>> >>>>> > something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I
>>>> >>had
>>>> >>>>> > been and must ever be grateful.
>>>> >>>>> >
>>>> >>>>> > I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the
>>>> >>woman,
>>>> >>>>> > even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my
>>>> >>>>> > disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must by
>>>> >>Miss
>>>> >>>>> > Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to
>>>> >>dinner?"
>>>> >>>>> >
>>>> >>>>> > The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know
>>>> >>what
>>>> >>>>> > this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green
>>>> >>>>> suit
>>>> >>>>> > who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And
>>>> >>she
>>>> >>>>> > said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you
>>>> >>that
>>>> >>>>> > she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street.
>>>> >>She
>>>> >>>>> said
>>>> >>>>> > it was some kind of test!"
>>>> >>>>> >
Date: Mon, 2 Feb 1998 09:58:03 -0800 (PST)
From: Beth Hollenback
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 20:59:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Beth Hollenback
To: nick@cse.stanford.edu
Subject: CS1i email
I'm a senior majoring in International Relations and I'm from Deer Lodge,
Montana.
I used to play water polo...but then my horse drowned.
Wed, 4 Feb 1998 23:12:57 -0800 (PST)
From: moramay lopez-alonso
Subject: URGENT!Late subsission please accept
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Date: Wed, 4 Feb 1998 23:12:57 -0800 (PST)
Cc: moramay@leland.Stanford.EDU
Dear Professor Parlante,
I had a problem and had no access to e-mail for several days so I could
> not send my homework, I very much want to be in your class, I think it
> is fundamental that I take it and this is the last quarter I will be
> taking classes that is why I ask you to please accept my late homework.
My name is Moramay Lopez-Alonso, I am Mexican from Mexico City and I am a
> graduate student in the history department. I do economic history of
> Latin America, my field of specialization is the history of nutrition
> and disease in Mexico in the period 1850-1950. aomng fuzzy historians
> economic history is the techiest side of the field, in fact most
> historians refuse to use any technological devise created after 1957 but
> I think that Internet is an excellent help for teaching history.
Here is the joke:
>
>
> > >
> > > >>Women's English
> > > >
> > > >>* Yes = No
> > > >>* No = Yes
> > > >>* Maybe = No
> > > >>* I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
> > > >>* We need = I want
> > > >>* It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by
> > > now.
> > > >>* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
> > > >>* We need to talk = I need to complain
> > > >>* Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
> > > >>* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
> > > >>* You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
> > > >>* You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
> > > about?
> > > >>* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
> > > >>* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
> > > >>* I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and
> > > >>wallpaper.....
> > > >>* Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
> > > >>* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
> > > >>* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
> > > >>* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really
> > > not
> > > >>going to like.
> > > >>* I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a
> > good
> > > game
> > > >>on TV.
> > > >>* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
> > > >>* You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
> > > >>* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
> > > >>* I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is
> > > >>important.
> > > >
> > > >>* The answer to "What's wrong?":
> > > >
> > > >>* The same old thing = Nothing
> > > >>* Nothing = Everything
> > > >>* Everything = My PMS is acting up
> > > >>* Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
> > > >
> > >
> > >>===================================================================
> > > >
> > > >>Men's English
> > > >
> > > >>* "I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
> > > >>* "I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
> > > >>* "I'm tired." = I'm tired.
> > > >>* "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have
> > sex
> > > >>with you.
> > > >>* "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have
> > sex
> > > >>with you.
> > > >>* "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex
> > with
> > > >>you.
> > > >>* "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
> > > you.
> > > >>* "Nice dress!" = Nice tits!
> > > >>* "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle
> > > you.
> > > >>* "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big
> > deal
> > > out
> > > >>of this.
> > > >>* "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
> > > >>trauma are you going through now?
> > > >>* "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
> > > >>* "I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
> > > >> * "I love you." = Let's have sex now.
> > > >> * "I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex
> > now!
> > > >> * "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better
> > > before.
> > > >> * "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't
> > > look
> > > >>that much different!
> > > >>* "Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am
> > a
> > > >>deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
> > > >>* "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to
> > have
> > > sex
> > > >>with other guys.
> > > >>* (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin'
> > > dress
> > > >>and let's go home!
> > > >>* "I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." =
> > I
> > > am
> > > >>gay.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 15:32:02 -0800 (PST)
From: Erica Denham
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Prof. Parlante,
My name is Erica Denham. I am a junior majoring in Sociology with
a Concentration in Organizational Behavior from Detroit, Michigan.
My Joke: "Freakin Ears"
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was
injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of
both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap he was very
self-conscious about having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the
insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he
decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a
business. So, he went out and purchased a small but expanding computer
firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he
decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well. He really like this guy. His last
question for this candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got
really upset and threw the guy out.
The second interview went even better than the first. This
candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the
interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything
unusual about me?" This guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The
man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.
Then, he had the third interview. The third candidate was even
better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that
he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice
anything unusual about me?" The guy replied, "Yeah, you're wearing
contact lenses." Surprised, the man asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive
of you! How could you tell?" The guy burst out laughing and said,"Well,
you can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin ears!"
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 19:34:41 -0800 (PST)
From: Brandon
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Nick-
I'm a senior majoring in economics from Helena, Montana.
Why did Skye Mayo stare at the orange juice carton for so long.
It said concentrate.
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~brandoon/
Brandon
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 20:16:21 -0800
To: Nick Parlante
From: Pei-hsin Hsu
Subject: CS1i email
Hi Nick,
I am a grad student in Biology from Taiwan, the asian country not
shaken by recent Asia economic crisis.
I wish I could construct a very creative personal web page some day...
---------------------------------------------
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It
shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble
because of language and cultural differences. For example...
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
American ad campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
=============================================
Pei-hsin Hsu
M.Sc. student, Dept. of Biological Sciences
Stanford University
phsu@leland.stanford.edu
(650) 497-7291
=============================================
Sat, 31 Jan 1998 23:40:47 -0800 (PST)
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 23:40:47 -0800 (PST)
From: Nathalie Loetscher
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: CS1iemail
Dear Mr. Parlante,
My name is Nathalie Loetscher and I'm a permit to attent student in
economics. Beside economics I'm also interested in Internet and computers.
My homecountry is Switzerland. I grew up in the south part of Switzerland,
near the Matterhorn and near the Italien frontier. But for my studies I
moved to the capital city Bern. There I studied Pharmacy for five years.
Before I came to Stanford I have been working in a Pharmacy close to
Zuerich.
Stanford and the region is really great and I enjoy it here very much.
Nathalie
Fri, 30 Jan 1998 17:21:57 -0800
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 17:20:12 -0800
From: HEATHER ROCK
Organization: Sun Microsystems
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU, heather.rock@Sun.COM
Subject: My Homework for "The Internet" Class
y name is Heather Rock and I work at Sun Microsystems
in the Java Desktop Business Unit.
Below is my joke. It was from the Christmas season.
Enjoy.
---------------------------------------------
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in
pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes
----------------------------------------
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two
turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They
are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
--------------------------
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but
I
must insist....you're just too kind.
Love Agnes
------------------
December 17th
John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They
are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too
romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
-----------------------------
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise!! Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly,
John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
--------------------------
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on
my
front steps. So you're back to the birds agian, huh? Those geese are
HUGE. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I
can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!!
Cordially, Agnes
------------------------
December 20th
John:
What's up with you and those damn birds???? Seven swans
a-swimming? What kind of goddam joke is this?! There's bird shit all
over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and
I
can't sleep at all at night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those
damn
birds!!!
Sincerely, Agnes
------------------------
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with
eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight
maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own goddam cows. There is
shit all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off
me! SMART ASS!
Ag
--------------
December 22nd
Hey Shithead
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And Christ - do they play! They never stopped chasing those
maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and
stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What
am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll
get yours!
>From Ag
---------------
December 23rd
You Rotten Prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those
sluts ladies. They've been balling those nine pipers all night long.
Now
the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a
river
of shit. The commisioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause
why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you!
One who means it, Ag
----------------------------
December 24th
Listen Asshole:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and
aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again.
Those pipers ran through the maids and have been commiting sodomy with
the
cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death
in
the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine!
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister
------------------------------------------------
December 25th (From the law offices of Taeker, Sprdar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers
fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes
McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence
should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss
McCallister at the New York Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions
to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant
for
your arrest.
TSB
Thu, 5 Feb 1998 14:37:23 -0800 (PST)
Date: Thu, 5 Feb 1998 14:37:23 -0800 (PST)
From: Stanley Lorin Pace
To: nick.parlante@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: cs1i email
I am Lorin Pace, a freshman from Dallas, Texas. My story is not a
funny one-I simply want to explain that I just barely picked up this class
and apologize for turning in the email late. Thank you.
I have a joke, too. What's the difference between President
Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 200 people went down on the Titanic.
Date: Fri, 6 Feb 1998 21:01:12 -0800 (PST)
From: Beth Hollenback
To: nick@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: Cs1i email
I'm a senior majoring in International Relations and I'm from Deer Lodge,
Montana.
I used to play water polo...but then my horse drowned.